Poor, Poor Blagojevich… is a Block-Head

Poor Rod Blagojevich

Poor Rod Blagojevich

Meet Rod Blagojevich, a true American patriot who is being persecuted by evil, but powerful forces.  Poor Rod, a political lynch mob is after him, and for no good reason either.  Everyone’s out to get him.  People in his own Democratic party, and the Republicans too.  TOGETHER, they are trying to lynch him.  But never fear, Rod will fight, he will fight, he will fight to his last breath.  Oh, poor, poor Rod.

Go on Rod, and tell everyone how you did nothing wrong.  After all, it’s been a long tradition in Illinois politics to leverage one’s position for personal advantage… uh, personal gain.  You scratch my back and I’ll scratch your back, right?  So what that you wanted something back for appointing the “right” person to President-elect Obama’s vacant senate seat.  Sheesh, come on.  After all, not all governors get an opportunity like this.  It’s like you said, “(The Senate seat) is a [expletive] valuable thing, you just don’t give it away for nothing,”  You’re no fool, Rod. No one wants a fool for governor.

Anyway, tell everyone how hard it is to maintain a young “celebrity governor-on-the-rise-to-eventual-white-house” life style.  It takes [expletive] money.  And lord knows, you deserve to have more money.  With all that you do as a public servant, you definitely are ENTITLED to more money.

After all, you are not just an ordinary Joe.  No, you are Rod — Rod Blagojevich.  Damn, you can even swear with the best of them.  In fact, your wife can even swear with the best of them too.  Wow, what a golden couple!  Illinois is so lucky to have such a celebrity-type couple in its state mansion.  Oh, oh, wait, that’s right.  The little capital city of Springfield was not cool enough for the Blagojeviches.  That’s right, they had decided to stay in Chicago instead.  Wow,  such amazing mavericks.

You did nothing wrong Rod.  You’re dying to show everyone the proof that will exonerate you.  But you’re showing great restraint by not divulging it now.  You don’t want to play the game of 30-second sound sites like those in the lynch mob.  Way to take the higher ground, Rod.

Why are you being persecuted?  Everyone is against you.  You did nothing wrong. Come on, Rod, forget restraint and show everyone your proof.  You wouldn’t really use words like “political lynch mob” without proof, right?  You wouldn’t quote Rudyard Kipling’s poem, “if” without proof, would you?  By the way, great delivery on the poem.  You da man!  Way to have it memorized.

Show everyone Rod…  come one…  show everyone…  show everyone what a block-head you are.  Stand in front of the cameras and ramble about nothing.  And lie.  Just lie.  If you say it with enough conviction maybe someone will believe you.  Personal integrity?  Oh yeah, you have no idea what that means.

Rod, you are a narcissist, incapable of empathy.  It’s all about you, I know.  Hey, wake up Rod.  Look behind you, in front of you, next to you, no one believes you.  You’re a block-head.

76-page affidavit against Blagojevich

Blagojevich press conference on CNN