Russian friends & cooks: Olga & Zhenya

Diversity really is the spice of life. Just happens that not everyone likes spicy foods. Well, I do and so do a lot of my friends.

One of the many blessings for me right now is my wonderfully diverse set of friends. They enlighten me with different perspectives and add different flavorings to my life.

A while back, some of us decided to take advantage of our diverse backgrounds and start hosting ethnic-themed dinners. We started with an Indian dinner. The home-cooked meal was fabulous and so abundant. We literally stuffed ourselves.

The next dinner was all about paellas. Three persons brought their own pan full of the Spanish delight, while others brought sides and desserts, as well as 11 bottles of wine.

A few weeks ago, we had a Russian dinner that coincided with my wife’s “Sweet 16″ birthday (plus some decades). Perhaps Russian cuisine is not as popular in the US as paella, but everyone was favorably impressed with the 17-ingredient borsch, the traditional Russian salads, pelmeni and so much more.  Hey, the vodka wasn’t too bad either.

I know hours (if not days)  of preparation went into the dinner, as each ethnic group takes such pride in their own culture. Olga Ugarova, a friend and a former colleague, even prepared a powerpoint presentation about Russia. If it wasn’t for the Russian vodka, I would remember more of the facts. The literary rate of 94%, however, was impressive enough for me to still remember. And I certainly won’t soon forget the taste of that wonderful borsch. Yum.

The next dinner is scheduled to be Korean with three ladies volunteering to cook. That should be quite a spread.

I heard somewhere that anyone can talk about being open-minded. However, a true measure of a person’s openness to try new things is whether that person will eat unfamiliar foods.

Diversity and openness are all good — and tasty too.

Shari's birthday

But what about adults? We are all social creatures by nature. The friendships adults keep is no less important in determining one’s outlook on life than for a teenager. We care a lot more about how people within our “inner circle” perceive us than any of us would like to admit. We compete, we support, we inspire, we stifle and we compare amongst friends. In a lot of ways, we develop our identity from our friends and family.

From personal experience, I know that once I left my hometown of Tacoma, away from my high school “jock” friends, and traveled abroad, my perspective on life drastically changed. I’m not saying it made me a better person, but it did make me prioritize my career aspirations. That’s because those whom I met overseas were more focused on their careers. My desire to have status and credibility amongst my new friends certainly affected my actions from thereafter.

Today, I’m fortunate enough to know so many great people. Almost every day, I meet with people who challenge my thoughts, and sometimes even my motives. Especially as I now start a new venture, a broad perspective gives me a more clear understanding of what I’m trying to accomplish, eliminating some of my blind spots.

These friends also keep me motivated with encouragements, as well as by competing with their own ideas, efforts and successes.  They help me aspire for higher goals.

People often say networking is important and “who you know” is critical to success. I guess I’m saying the same thing in a slightly different way. You will inherently want acceptance and praise from your friends, people you care the most about. So, what is the focus of your group of friends, because that is the area you yourself will most likely focus in on? Remember we have a choice here. You have no choice on who is your family, but we all get to pick our friends.

So, yes, by all means, go out and network. Expand your circle of friends with people who can inspire and motivate you in the ways you want to live. Do it in an authentic manner, true to yourself. Then, your opportunities, and your perspective will grow as well.

Along the way, you must also ask yourself this obvious question: What kind of friend are you? Do you inspire, motivate, elevate and support those who are the closest to you?

This year I sprained my ankle just a few days before the trip to Lake Tahoe. By the time it was time to leave, I was debating whether to bring my crutches along. Resigned to accepting just caddy duty, I went anyways to spend time with the seven other boyz. Somehow, however, I managed to play nine holes the first day, 18 holes the second, and 13 the third day.

Da boyz wrapped up my ankle, carried my bags and drove the golf carts right up to my balls. The shot gun seat was always reserved for me. Pretty supportive bunch for all the trash talking this group can spew out.

My biggest concern was my ankle getting worse since my wife clearly stated that I would not be welcomed back home if my ankle worsened from golfing. Apparently, she’s tired of all my “stupids” as a man, and thought the reasonable decision would be to stay home. Some of da boyz offered their homes as refuge if I ended up homeless.

The bottom line is that as we’ve all gotten older, we’ve all had to take our wives’ anger more seriously. We’re not invincible anymore, not physically, not mentally, not in our personal relationships. Even in our drunkenness our bravado has waned, giving way to some sensitive emotions. Ah, da boyz are moving into their mid-life.

Today, on an unseasonably sunny fall day in Seattle, eight of the da boyz scatter in for tee times at Washington National Golf Club, a Scott Oki course.

Already well-lubricated, the first to arrive are Pete and Steve.  Pete’s game is “shock and awe”.  His mouth usually never stops making shocking assaults on the rest of us. He’s a consummate trash-talker. At the same time, as a once-competitive amateur golfer, Pete’s game is the bar for everyone else.

Steve comes across as quiet and unassuming, but don’t be fooled.  Once aided by alcohol, he can hold his own trash-talking and golfing.  A huge sandbagger, his handicap of 14 is a big running joke.  Steve’s known as “grumpy” amongst da boyz, but in actuality, he’s the most sensitive.  Recently, his brother came out of the closet after 16 years of marriage. On another front, he discovered his 14-year-old daughter has been sneaking out at nights to hang out with friends.  “Why not when she’s at least 16,” he complained out loud.  

Next are Matt and Patrick.  Matt is the “scorekeeper”.  He started our Fantasy Football League 15 years ago, and used to run the league on a spreadsheet manually inputting scores.  That’s Matt, putting in extra efforts for da boyz.  In this round of golf, as he always does, Matt will organize and track all the bets.     

Patrick is “captain”.  Always happy as long as he’s holding a drink, Patrick plays the least amount of golf but somehow maintains a nice swing. I guess natural athletic ability.  Patrick married his high school sweetheart from Butte, Montana.  They both have successful careers with no children.   

As I drive my golf cart up to them, I get an enthusiastic da boyz welcome:  Firm handshakes, pats on the back, and an uncomfortably affectionate hug from Pete.  They are happy to see me because I’m “easy money”.  Patrick has his martini shaker out offering drinks in front of the starter. No discretion. 

I’m especially happy to see Jan.  Last time I saw him he was going through chemotherapy, but still managed to come golfing with da boyz.  It was pretty inspiring.  He looks so much better today.  Oh, as fate would have it, his wife also has cancer.  Jan only hits with his irons, but still plays from the blue tees with da boyz. Nonetheless, Jan is always competitive and has taken his share of skins.

Riding with Jan is Tim, who has some demons in his head.  He knows it.  He usually wears sun glasses regardless of the weather to avoid headaches.  Although recipient of a lot of abuse from the da boyz, he is another good athlete, and usually takes advantage of the strokes he gets from some of da boyz.

The last to arrive is Pat, the heart and soul of da boyz.  Pat’s personality draws people. I think men instinctively gravitate toward leaders with character.  For his part, he and his wife, host most of the big events for da boyz.  Tonight, after golf, Pat will again be hosting a poker game for da boyz and wives at his house.  His wife is a saint.  A few years ago, his three-year-old daughter was diagnosed with brain tumor.  Even then, he continued to keep his house open to friends and handled the ordeal openly with others.  Fortunately, the daughter is now healthy and in school.

The round is five hours of heavy drinking, thrash talking, pranks, wrestling, and some good and bad golf.  These are da boyz.  Maybe a lot like “your” da boyz.  It’s an inner circle of friends providing family support amongst a migrant population coming to Seattle for technical work.  Most of da boyz are from Montana and all are successful in the Seattle high-tech industry.

I’m not typical in this group, as the lone Asian and someone with an urban perspective.  Yet, for those times together, I’m appreciative to be a part of da boyz.