Try to think about this when talking to people in business. It’s amazing how often people, prepped with their presentations, talk about something that is totally irrelevant to the audience. Many people are scripted without regard to the relevance of what they are reciting to the needs of the people listening.

How do you to become more relevant?

1. CARE — First, you have to care to be relevant. Seriously, a lot of people don’t care whether they are relevant or not.
2. DON’T PRESUME – Listen. Then, ask clarifying questions if you are not sure about the issues at hand.
3. VALIDATE – Outline your understanding of the situation and ask for validation.
4. STORY TELLING – Make your points through story telling in context of relevance to the audience. Whenever possible use words and phrases initially used by those listening.

By being relevant in a business setting, or any other setting, you will rise above the noise and catch the attention of the people you are trying to reach. I know I find it refreshing when someone reaches out to me with information that is truly relevant to me.

While all the disciplines of marketing tries to get relevant messages out to their target audiences, it’s amazing how many of us don’t make any effort to be relevant in our in-person communication.

Dr. Jeff Wilson, a Boeing expert in generational studies, was the keynote speaker. He outlined a four-generation cycle: Silent, Baby Boomers, Generation X and the Millennials. Apparently the generations go in cycles from recessional (Silent and X) to dominate (Baby Boomers and Millennials). The dominate generations get most of the attention and the recessional are ignored, which effects each’s behavior and outlook.

Right now, there are a lot of focus on generational differences as the baby boomers begin to move out of power positions in the work force. They are being replaced by a new generation of leaders with different perspectives.

Baby boomers tend to be process-oriented. They prefer face-to-face meetings. They like getting everyone’s input into the decision-making process. Baby boomers focus on work more than family or friends. They like to see people working long hours in the office.

The generation-X’ers are fiercely independent and pragmatic. These people are family focused. Work-Life balance is important to them. They can easily work remotely using available technologies. They’re not so keen on after-work events. They want facts through emails and don’t need a lot of face-to-face time with co-workers.

The millennial generation wants purpose in what they do. They need to know that what they are doing fits into a bigger vision with a worthwhile purpose. They are focused on friends before family or work. They collaborate. They are doers and like to measure results. They want to be “heroes” in making a difference in the world.  They text each other and gather in groups to do things.

Obviously, these are just general tendencies, but they are helpful in understanding how to deal with each generation in the work place. For example, if you work with many baby boomers in senior management, meeting about your career over lunch may be the most effective to get your points across. If you are a generation-X manager working with  millennials, spending some after hour time with your employees would go a long ways in building trust with your employees.

On a last note, I think social media platforms allow different generations to communicate in their own way. They are more flexible than a phone or email in expressing one’s personalities. In the future, I think you will see more enterprise social media platforms deployed for work place communications.

Do you know what is the most honest part of the body? Most people guess the eyes. According to Joe Navarro, a decorated ex-FBI Agent, the feet (along with the legs) are most likely to reveal the true intentions of a person, and thus, be the prime place to look for nonverbal signals that accurately reflect what a person is thinking.

In his book, “What Every Body is Saying“, Navarro explains that long before we humans could speak, we reacted instinctively with our feet and legs to the dangers of our hostile environment. Today, our feet still react subconsciously — instinctively. They give away our true intent.

Ever seen happy feet, bouncing in exuberance? There’s no mistaking it. We all know when someone is happy by their feet. When playing cards, we hold in high regard the ability to hide our emotions with a poker face. In other words, we are taught to deceive with our face and words. However, if you look down toward a player’s feet, they often subconsciously reveal what the poker face is trying to hide.

Next time you are interviewing a work candidate, check out the feet for nonverbal cues. I’ve interviewed a candidate once where the feet were obviously happy when talking about his past accomplishments. However, as soon as I asked about his relationship with his former boss, his feet froze. Obviously, I knew then that I needed to better understand the reasons behind  his conflict with his last supervisor.

One of the most awkward times can be when networking in a room full of strangers. If you approach a group of people in a conversation, and they turn their torso to greet you but not their feet, you can safely assume you may be interrupting. However, if they turn their feet toward you to include you into the group, you are being welcomed.

Any time a person turns his or her feet away from you, especially toward an exit, the person either wants out of the conversation or has somewhere to go. In that case, I try to give that person an easy out to leave. Don’t hold the person hostage regardless of the fact that your sales pitch is not completed. You’re not closing that deal anyways.

Since it’s near Valentine’s Day, let’s observe our feet behavior in romance. If you watch a “Valentines” couple this weekend at a nice restaurant, they may at first be engrossed in a deep conversation which over the course of dinner wanes, until they don’t seem to be talking anymore. Trouble for the couple? Not necessarily. If their legs remain in close proximity, often brushing against each other. The romance is red hot and words are no longer necessary!

Understanding the language of the feet can help you read other people’s intents whether at work, on a bus, or in romance. Best you pay attention.

Over the years of managing various people, I’ve learned the first step to better communication is acknowledging that people communicate differently. Some people naturally embellish, or are vague with words but emphasize nuances. Others are literal. Even within my family one of my sons is very literal and the other very much not. That causes a lot of tension.

One thing that is common, however, is we all want to be understood. In order to effectively communicate across a broad set of people, you must speak with clarity AND offer rationale. Sounds simple, but what a big difference this can make.

When I tell someone that he did a good job, smile, and walk away, the person may feel temporarily good because the statement was positive.  But what if I had said that he did a good job in getting his team to work cohesively in meeting a difficult project deadline, and as a result the client will renew our contract?  This compliment would be much more impacting as there is clarity in his mind of what is being appreciated.

Clarity and providing rationale usually help in all tense communication situations across the different personality types. One time I had run 18 miles in training for a marathon. Afterwards, my family went to a dimsum restaurant but was seated in a corner where the servers couldn’t easily see us. After 30 minutes, I got up and made a huge scene to the complete embarrassment of my family. Regardless of my rationale, I became a jerk in everyone’s eyes.

Had I gotten up and explained to the servers that I had been waiting for 30 minutes, which seemed a bit unreasonable, and it would be greatly appreciated if we could get some food despite being seated in the corner, I think anyone around me would have respected my request.

At work, in the home, with friends, don’t just throw out one-line bombs without clarity and rationale. Speak with clarity and provide rationale and see if your communications skills improve, along with your relationships.

I have some young people helping me with a Lift9 video. They are creative and energetic, but not very responsive to email. So, I texted them for updates and got immediate responses. My conclusion is that these young people are not used to opening their email accounts.

Even among my “older” friends from Gen X and some baby boomers, I communciate much more regularly through Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, or Instant Messaging than through email. While inside the corporate environment email is still the communication of choice, there is fundamental shift happening in the way people communicate.

Understanding this new shift is critical to marketers. Email and direct marketing having been losing their effectiveness. What will replace (or augment) them? Text and social media marketing? Many people think so, but no one has come up with a solution that is viably measurable or one that can prove tangible ROI.

Here is your (our) opportunity.

CSG Openline is a Channel Marketing company, mainly servicing call center campaigns to Microsoft partners. The delivery departments completely relied on one another to get their job done successfully. For example, the call center was dependent on IT to customize each campaign interface before it could launch a new program. IT, for its part, had multiple, and often conflicting requirements from the different project managers. Obviously, effective communication and cooperation amongst these groups were vital to the long-term success of the company.

At first, the employees found it humorous that their managers dressed up on “High Tea” day. After the jokes, however, people realized that management was taking better collaboration seriously. There was physical evidence of a commitment to change.

Within the management team, initial skepticism eventually gave way to addressing some deep-rooted trust issues amongst the groups. The managers began better understanding each other’s challenges and started working collectively together to resolve a few underlining problems. Over time, we all shared some of our personal lives as well, allowing everyone to understand each other at a more intimate level.

Although we continued to butt heads at times, general communication improved. Eventually, the “High Tea” conversations ran their course and we changed to a more conventional management meeting format. However, this experience did reinforce the idea that in our incredibly productive corporate world, sometimes we just need to breathe and be more human with one another. Email is an efficient method of communication, but at times it can be very ineffective or even counter-productive. Face-to-face resolutions of issues can be stressful, but often times can be the most effective way to work out issues for the long-term.

Last week, I met with a management consultant (readers of this blog will “MEET” him eventually) who helped CSG Openline. He reminded me about these “High Tea” meetings and explained how he appreciated the simplicity in the idea of getting a team to buy into each other and communicate more directly with one another. So, I decided to share.

• Maintain or enhance self-esteem
• Listen and respond with empathy
• Ask for help and encourage involvement
• Share thoughts, feelings, and rationale
• Provide support without removing responsibility

As I’ve tried to incorporate these key principles into my daily interactions, I’ve received the best feedback from the first two principles. These two are applicable regardless of who you are communicating with, and can be used everyday.

Maintain or Enhance Self-Esteem: People need to feel respected and have a sense of self-worth. When they do, they are more likely to be motivated and committed to their work. When maintaining or enhancing self-esteem, make sure to be specific and sincere. Don’t leave any doubt in people’s minds – make sure they know exactly what you’re recognizing. Sincerity is also critical. People can quickly spot false praise, so don’t offer a complement if you don’t honestly mean it.

Listen and Respond with Empathy: Listening increases your understanding of how others feel and is a powerful way to build trust and improve communication. It’s only when you respond with empathy, however, that people know you understand both how they are feeling and why. The following tactics are effective ways to use empathy in communication:

• Defuse negative emotions
• Show others that you care
• Respond to both facts and feelings