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Archive for December, 2010

Holidays bring families together. For me, we had Christmas in Las Vegas with my in-laws. The parents and all five of their children along with each of their families rendezvoused in Vegas from five different cities.

My wife’s family is a Korean immigrant family, that came to Chicago in the late 1960′s. With five children, the parents started various small businesses and worked extremely hard to make ends meet. There were not much discretionary funds, so they ate mostly at home together, thankful for what they did have.

At the Christmas dinner this year, the mother shared how she regretted not being able to take the children even to MacDonald’s when they were young. She gave money to each of the children, now adults, from some gold she sold as a way of making up for that regret. The grown children, for their part, only remember good times as youngsters, such as the family vacations in a rented RV, ice-skating with their father, or the family holiday dinners. They had never regretted the lack of material wealth.

The fact is, as adults, each of the children have done well in many ways and can afford a better life. That’s because of the drive that most second-generation immigrants harbor from watching their parents sacrifice.

Their story is similar to that my own, and many other immigrant families. Our generation feel a sense of guilt from our parents’ sacrifices. We are generally passionate defenders of the “American  Dream”. We do not feel entitled, but rather grateful for our opportunities. Our parents lived and worked for us and that is a burden that constantly drives us.

One of America’s greatest assets is the brain gain phenomenon. The access to capital and the general environment of meritocracy keep the American Dream alive for all. More than 57% of all ventured-backed companies in the last decade was founded or co-founded by someone born outside the US. What a tremendous advantage!

Yet, we continue to make it more difficult for immigration. First, with the short-sighted policies of the Patriot Act that made it difficult for motivated foreign students to attend US Universities, and now the US Senate recently has rejected the House-backed immigration act to offer a path to citizenship to young undocumented immigrants who attend college or enroll in the military.

The American Dream still lives — not just for immigrants, but for all.  However, in focus groups, we’ve learned that there is a huge difference in the perception of what this means between immigrant youths versus those from more traditional American families. The immigrants are clearly more positive and optimistic. We need them to continue to drive our Dream and lead the rest of the society to see what a great opportunity it can be to be living and doing business in the United States. That is our America, and it’s okay to disagree with the likes of Sarah Palin even if her family got here before us. In fact, I insist that we do.

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To be an effective person in business and in life, people need to understand how to move different scenarios toward their objective. In many cases, this means “losing” the argument for the sake of ”achieving” the overall goal. Easier said than done. 

For example, if you want to close a deal in negotiations, you will have to inevitably give in some areas in order to come to an agreement. That’s negotiations. If someone tried to win every argument, everyone point of negotiation, that person would not be effective in the long-term. Neither would I want to be around that person for very long.

Well, life and business is a constant string of negotiations of some sorts. Compromises allow individual humans to be a collective group.

Then, how can a person be more effective in business and life? One way is to keep the greater goal in mind at all times, and constantly measure the progress of your discussions against that goal. Many times in a confrontational or difficult situation, people can react emotionally, or take the discussion too personally. They will want to prove their point more than getting to their goal. It can be a matter of principle. It can be to address a personal insecurity.

By keeping the greater goal in mind, it is easier to compromise and appease other people while still moving disagreements toward your objective. Of course, this assumes good listening skills to identify important areas to compromise.

Highly effective people learn to do this in the natural course of human interaction. They come across objective, fair and compromising.

Now, go ahead, and gracefully  lose an argument.

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One of my sons sees pretty much only the “tree”, and the other one can only see the “forest”.  When they fight, they claim the other is just not listening. They talk past each other and get very frustrated and irritated with one another. It’s tough having two sons who see reality so differently.

While siblings often get upset with each other for “not listening”, this scenario occurs in all other types of relationships as well. As a father, or as a manager, or as a friend, understanding the “forest” and “tree” perspective can help overcome these impasse in arguments.

The first thing is to get people to understand that our brains work differently. Then, one needs to help them see things from the other person’s perspective — empathy. If people would just stop, breath and take a second to see the other person’s point of view, the world would definitely be a better place.

Now, if you have history with this other person, like in the case of my sons, then empathy gets more difficult. All the past frustrations are conjured up at a mere start of a disagreement and now each is completely convinced that the other person isn’t listening  even before fully understanding the issues at play. There is no effort at empathy because “it’s happened before and I’m not going to let him get away with it again (whatever that is).” Ever hear a cranky couple snipe at one another before one full sentence comes out from either of them?

So, if you are caught in the middle of a conflict, recognize that history affects our philosophical, as well as emotional, reactions to other people. Ask yourself why you may be reacting so negatively to this situation? Give the other person the benefit of the doubt (at least a few times). Then, realize that our brains work differently. Maybe the other person isn’t plain evil, but they may just think differently. Then, there needs to be an honest effort at empathy. That is where a father or a manager can help — in facilitating that empathy.

It’s never easy though.

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If necessity is the mother of all inventions, optimism may be the mother of all new business ventures. Everyone starts a new company because they believe that they can be successful. No one I know started his or her own venture with the belief that they will fail.

Therefore, by nature, entrepreneurs need to be eternal optimists, otherwise, they will give up way too soon. Who are the best sales people of their ideas? The ones who are enthusiastic and passionate about their ideas — all born of optimism!

All the stats are against entrepreneurs, as 9 out of 10 small businesses fail within the first two years. Hey, you got to have a lot of optimism to look past those odds. Many entrepreneurs who have failed will try again until they succeed. That’s from inner optimism and belief. Daniel Snyder, the owner of the Washington Redskins, had three failed ventures before he made his initial fortune with Synder Communications, LP. Now, that’s an optimsitic person. I’m sure he believes his football team can get better too. Good luck.

 I’ve recently met with some local entrepreneurs who have endured difficult times due to the down economy. They remain optimistic, however, with the improving economic condition. They see the potential of their ideas. Of course, they do. They are optimists.

Stay true to your dreams, and keep on believing!

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The holiday season is a time of joy and celebration. It can also be a time of high stress and pressure. Extended families getting together; trying to get end-of-the-year projects finished at work; fighting crowds to buy presents. Sometimes, it can all be overwhelming.

Breathe, relax your body and free your spirit and keep your mind focused. It’s like hitting a good mogul run on skiis. You should react fluidly (relaxed body) and instinctively (freed spirit) but your mind can’t wonder. No different when you are taking a tight turn on a street bike. That’s how high performers excel. You can do the same this holiday season.

Test yourself. When you think about the holiday season, do your muscles tighten up? Is your spirit constricted? Does your mind wander from all you have to do? First breathe. Relax. Organize what you have to do without raising your blood pressure. Then, smile, and take on the coming days and create some positive momentum for yourself.

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Nicely done!

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